Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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