Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
