life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We got so high we made milksteak
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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