on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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