we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
