hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's blow job season.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
