Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
