You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
