my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
