I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
