If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
