Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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