would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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