Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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