I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
