What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
