the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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