Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
