I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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