You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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