this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
