I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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