um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
