Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
