East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
