Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
