i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I need a burrito and a hug.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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