Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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