I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm getting married
To pizza
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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