I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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