He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
