No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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