My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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