If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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