The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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