I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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