if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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