At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
there is glitter all over my balls
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