textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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