Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
