bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
