I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
