if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
