she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
