haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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