I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you would pick up someone in the library
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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