I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
