Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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