Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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