i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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