Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
