and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
smell my finger.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
