It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
