so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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