His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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